The receipt of this quarter's grades reminded me of a comment on my
first grade report-card to the effect that I would be performing better in
Math if I spent less time making paper dolls. Possibly. Possibly not.
To make Graduate Student Girl hold her bottle of vodka, cut along the dotted line on her hand. Fold the bottle's tab back and slip it through the hand. Adjust thumb, etc. If all else fails, use glue; it's not like she needs to put it down.